Well, it’s been a couple of weeks since I’d officially completed all coursework for my degree in Chemical Engineering, and therefore (for now) my journey of formal education. As with all endings, I expected to be more excited, to perhaps feel like a completely different person as I walked out of the exam hall. But alas, life feels pretty much the same, except for the sudden surge in the amount of free time I now have on my hands.
There are many many things I want to say about how it’s been going through the education system here (i.e. in Singapore), which probably requires more than one post, so maybe this will turn into a series — or not, I’m fickle sometimes. But what sticks out the most right now, as I look back on the past 15-odd years, is the amount of privilege I’d been given.
I don’t think I started out with the most conventional of beginnings. I attended nursery, kindergarten, and the first 2+ years of primary school in Malaysia, where I grew up, before ‘joining the system’ in Singapore. So, I’d always been acutely aware (even after so many years since I was last in school in Malaysia) of the differences in the two systems, and how fortunate I am to end up in the latter. Honestly, it is why I often hesitate to be overly critical of Singapore’s system in the first place — because, for lack of better/more tactful phrasing, I know how much worse it could be. Admittedly, that’s probably compounded by the fact that I had gone from being part of a minority race to a majority (I know, Chinese privilege), but that’s too much to unpack right now.
My point is: that feeling of ‘it is a privilege to be here’ never really left me.
I could go into the conventional chain of thought about the opportunity to be in Raffles / the IP programme hinging, really only, on a great PSLE score, but I think most people are already familiar with that. I think above all, it is a privilege that I, and many of my peers, only had my studies to worry about throughout my schooling life. I was (am) fortunate that my family could support me financially through my interests, through going on overseas attachments during uni, that during school holidays, I could work part-time at cafes with friends ‘for fun’. Even my achievements as an undergraduate, the opportunities to publish a scientific paper or even have so much hands-on experience in the lab, were the result of my supervisors’ selflessness and faith in my (honestly mediocre at the beginning) abilities. Sure, I worked hard too, but I think it’s safe to say that there are still people who fall through the cracks for one reason or another.
So it is with an odd mix of gratitude and I guess, sadness, that I look back on these years in school.
I also understand now what people meant when they said it doesn’t really matter how well you do in school. As I watch my peers navigate their way through the doors of working adulthood (or really just adulthood in general), the myriad paths they walk, I realise whether someone scored an ‘A’ in Biology in JC really means nothing. Those worries and anxieties we had felt as teenagers, staring at our report cards, seem so very foolish now (haha), but I also find it endearing, even bittersweet, that at one point in life, that was our greatest concern.
But soppy sentimentalities aside, I quite appreciate the break now, while I wait to start work around the July/August period. While I usually identify as a workaholic (no shame there), this lull period has given me a chance to truly collect myself and rest. It was a comfortable hustle in school, but a hustle nonetheless — it is probably a good idea to take stock before embarking on a whole new journey that would last for at least 35-40 years.
What have I been doing? Well, so far it’s been a whirlwind of catching up with friends, on Netflix shows I’d fallen behind on, finally getting to books I’d wanted to read for the longest time, working out more often, and a healthier sleep schedule. At some point, I might get bored or tired of this lifestyle, but for now it keeps me happy and occupied. With the newly announced Phase 2 measures, I’m guessing I can’t get tired of it anytime soon anyway (haha) lest I go crazy.
Maybe I should make it a point to write on here more often. I’ve been meaning to pen down some thoughts about some books I’ve read, but the inertia has been so real. If lockdown sufficiently bores me, I might finally get to that.
Anyway, that’s all for now. Whoever you are, thanks for sticking around 🙂